Dating your friends roommate

Common roommate courtesy plus a little extra if you start sleeping with her, since you're all friends and whatnot. There's no reason to tell the roomie, but there's no reason to not tell her, either. Well, what would you do if she denied you permission? Don't insult her by asking her without having any intention to listen to what she says. Also, n'thing what Tomorrowful says. As a lady who's lived with a dude roommate for a while now, I say that it'd be the most considerate thing to mention that you're angling for a date from her, but definitely don't frame it as a 'permission' thing 'cuz that is weird.

You can always phrase like "Hey, I'm going to ask [cute friend] out to dinner, what's her favorite restaurant? Just remember to be extra considerate of basic roommate bringing someone home etiquette, should that situation arise. Er, that is, angling for a date with the cute friend.

conversations - Roommate dating man I have a crush on - Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange

Honestly, I think there is a better chance she'll be insulted if you don't ask out her friend. I mean you've already hooked up with her I can't imagine why she would have a problem with you dating her friend, if she had no problem with you hooking up with her. You've already tacitly been given permission, and the go ahead, with the "it was cool, and that her friend is awesome".

It's already been a couple of weeks, get off the pot and just ask the friend out already. You don't need permission, but even if you thought you did, you got it when she said her friend is awesome. You do need to tread a little bit lightly if it looks like things aren't going to work out, however, as you don't want to put your roommate in an awkward position. This, I'd hate to go on a date and for my roommate to feel weirded out that I didn't tell her.

The ground rules when your two good friends start dating

Acknowledge your fears and ask the woman out. For this I suggest you try and calmly articulate how you feel and why you feel this is necessary to your friend and then listen to her response. Keep in mind it is fine to ask a friend for something unreasonable, but to demand it is incredibly rude, so if she says that you are asking for too much then unless you want to ruin your friendship I suggest you accept her response.

After all, even agreeing to one month is very giving of her. She asked your permission, you said yes and then you confessed to him one week into their relationship.

Did you do this openly and with your friends permission? After all, she asked your permission to go on a date and you only had a crush on him I would like to comment on this. It may be presumptuous but it seems as though this fact has less to do with their dating life and more to do with you and your inability to deal with it. She has been going out of her way to cater to you by not bringing her SO over for over a month. It is very common and natural to want to spend time with your SO, if you are feeling a loss of depth with your closest friend, then logically that would be because you refuse to interact with her when she is with her boyfriend.

Although unfortunately self inflicted, I think this loss of depth is most certainly not beyond repair. It may be hard, and it contradicts your actual question refer to the start of my answer for that but I whole heartedly encourage you to accept and engage with every part of your friend, in this case - especially the part that has been dating this person for a few months and wants to spend time with them.

Her relationship is most likely a big part of her, and if every conversation about it ends up being around why it makes you uncomfortable then that will be a larger contribution to your growing apart than anything else. It is clear she still values you as a friend so I think working towards fixing that may be worth considering. Your request is entirely unreasonable.

They have been understanding so far, build on that instead of burning the bridge. In psychology, exposure therapy works by gradually increasing exposure , not by isolation. I strongly recommend rethinking your position.


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Some other answers already gave advise on details. Offer your roommate a compromise. Instead of waiting for a month, allow her to bring him over immediately, if she agrees to have him over like a friend the first three weeks - no private time in her room, no intimacies in the house. The second three weeks, he can come as a boyfriend, but ask her that they don't engage in sex and he doesn't stay for the night. The final three weeks, they can do whatever they want as long as they make an effort that you don't notice it.

Something along those lines adjusted for your triggers can help you manage your emotions over time without fear of a sudden overexposure. You should also keep the apparently good and understanding communication between the three of you open. By clicking "Post Your Answer", you acknowledge that you have read our updated terms of service , privacy policy and cookie policy , and that your continued use of the website is subject to these policies.

Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. Roommate dating man I have a crush on Ask Question. Seb Seb 91 1 7. Please note - the method you chose for reposting this question will risk you losing your ability to post questions here if repeated.

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Please do not do this again. If you have immediate need of help, you are in the wrong place. In future, fix your question and wait for it to be reopened rather than reposting it. Is moving to another apartment an option?

Most Helpful Guy

I'm aware it's not an IPS solution, but it surely beats seeing them together in your home. Personally, I understand how it feels to see the person you have a crush on with someone else, even with a friend. It hurts like hell and it only gets worse. Otherwise, asking a couple to stay away from her home sounds a bit unreasonable and "too much".

Stilez Stilez 1, 2 Think about what you are asking.

What can anyone do? Be prepared to work on yourself. Friends dating friends can be awesome. It makes for easy double dates and you get to take all the credit OK, most of the credit for their fabulous relationship. There is one dangerous trap that comes with this matchmaking title, and that is the pitfall of becoming the Relationship Middle Man.

Before you know it, each of them are sending you screenshots of their text conversations and asking you what he meant, asking you if she is mad at him, and a million other annoying insecurities. Yes, in a way, you may be helping one friend by confirming that he is definitely over his ex or that he is really, truly, into her. One of the best parts about relationships is getting to learn about the other person for yourself. If either party talks to you about a problem, just listen.


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Both of these people are your friends, and if a problem arises in their relationship, they may want to vent to you or seek out advice. You also know the other person so well, after all. Let them rant about the other person without judgement, as they are in a different relationship with your friend than you are. You are not in a place to make decisions for them.



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